Grief and Time

How many people in this world openly embrace change in their lives? How many people want pain and more hurt in their lives? A change will disconcert people and pain frightens people; grief is a dangerous combination of both. When we are faced with problems we really only have two options; we can put off our problems or we can deal with them. Unresolved grief is a problem for many Americans today.

The New York Times showed in a study on May 26, 2006 that there were Americans who were still struggling with their grief from the 9/11 attack. Those studied were relatives and close friends of those who died in the attack. Forty percent of those studied said they still needed direct help and counseling for their grief. Two thirds of those interviewed said that their grief was a large or moderate interference with their lives. After five years these people were still having problems with their grief. The grief was an interference with their lives. Sadly enough, these Americans could not, would not, or were still dealing with their grief after five years.

If we don’t take time off to deal with our grief, it will become a problem. No one is excited about dealing with the pain and change in their lives caused by grief. Dealing with your problems may not be comfortable or enjoyable, but it is necessary. Take time out of your life to grieve or grief will take time out of your life.

Caring for the Grieving

American culture needs to change. We are so focused on entertaining ourselves that we are willing to ignore our problems. The grief that our children are facing is supposed to be medicated away by television and videogames? Counseling has its place but the most effective way of dealing with grief is with family, friends and those who you are close to. When in denial or shock a strong support system is vital to recovery.

We want to ignore our friends who are grieving because we don’t know what to say and it makes us feel uncomfortable? How selfish and cruel have we become? When you bond with someone it is done by going through struggles together. By not helping someone with their grief you miss an amazing chance to connect and help that person.

There is no magic potion for making someone feeling better while they struggle with grief. Often, just being there and keeping quite can help someone. Let the bereaved know you care and that you are listening. I know that if someone did that for me it would help tremendously. The times I have been there for my family and for other people, they have told me how much it mattered.

How to Treat Grief

            When I was young I lost my pet dog and it greatly influenced the way I experience grief today. Every person will experience grief. It is a natural thing that every human must deal with. You cannot avoid it. There are certain stages of grief that every person goes through; denial or shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the five primary stages that every person experiences. There are more stages but not everyone will experience them. I went through all these stages at the loss of my pet and at the loss of many other things later in life.

            If you have ever experienced these stages of grief you are normal. Every person experiences these stages at different times order and intensities. No two people experience grief the exact same way but the stages and the pain are all the same. Every person is damaged by the losses in their life. Grief is the emotional state of mind we enter after that loss. Why are people ashamed when they are crying over their loss? It is normal to feel pain. It is not normal to tell every passing stranger that you are in pain.

            I do not advocate telling everyone you can see about your struggles. Your friends, family, and people you are close to should know if you are grieving. They should know if you are hurt. Do not hide your pain but, do not display it like a billboard for sympathy.

The Problem with American Culture Today

American culture does not know how to deal with grief and mourning. According to psychiatry online 68% of Americans develop disorders from unresolved grief*. Our culture is consistently ignoring its pain and saying that it’s pain unimportant. Why do we stifle our tears? Why can’t “real men” cry? Why, as a culture, are we embarrassed by our emotions? Why do we say everything is fine when it is not? If so many Americans today are struggling with their grief why will we not change?

So many people celebrate babies, birthdays, weddings, life, and when someone dies we pretend like nothing happened and they were not important. We, as the future of America, need to change the preconceived notions of grief.

Grief is natural process that happens to everyone and the future generations of America need to embrace and deal with their grief. People will always suffer from loss; we will lose pets, children, relatives, those who are close to us and who we love. We must acknowledge our pain and deal with our problems. No more hiding in the dark or pretending loss does not affect us. When something hurts, say it hurts, then fix the problem. Deal with your grief. Take time to mourn. We need to change.